and it's all downhill from here

People hide, whether they are aware of it or not. It’s done both consciously and unconsciously. It serves as a defense mechanism. Show people what they want to see, what is safe… something they won’t think twice in questioning.

A single person can posses so many masks. Each one serves a purpose… but ultimately each purpose is the same. It’s not really comforting to know that you can be so caged in your own life… but hen again, some things about your life are best kept hidden.

It’s easy, safe. You’d be crazy if you didn’t want that… security, stability. No one wants to be stuck in limbo. No one wants anything that is unsure… it’s dangerous, there’s to much at risk.

It wouldn’t actually be called living, but atleast you wont have to constantly check over your shoulder for someone who is out to get you.

You can’t help but wonder though, is there someone that can see through your masks? Is it possible for anyone to break your walls and see what’s underneath? It takes too much effort, you’re sure no one would bother. There’s nothing special there, anyway.

Maybe there would be a time when you will regret. Regret that you allowed yourself to rot and fester in this cage that you have constructed yourself. You would start to loath your inaction, your refusal to grab onto opportunities presented so blatantly infront of you… just because of that fear, that doubt, that so strongly controls you and your decisions.

The moment you entertain doubt… even for a single second, surely, that will be the beginning of your downfall. And yet, how can you be confident without seeming to be too arrogant? It is a line that remains blurry. You do not know if you are deserving of recognition. Your work never seems to be enough, when will it ever be enough?

It is easier to be alone. You don’t need to consider anyone else, there is no fear that you might overstep your bounds. No one to hurt, and no room to be hurt in return. No disappointments. No pressure.

It’s a lonely existence, of that -you’re sure, but such is the price of isolation.

maekimberly:

You actually thought that by dying your hair pink, changing the way you dress and smoking –your most recent vice, would actually deter this person from coming after you… but like always, she does the opposite of what you expect.

“Come on Quinn, this is our year to get it right”

Here she is, Rachel Berry. You were actually surprised she had the guts to approach you while in the company of the Skanks, no one in their right mind would be willing to put their own person in the line of fire for someone else. But then again, Rachel Berry is no ordinary person. She never was, and obviously, will never be.

“Give it up, Berry. I’m not going back to Glee”

You see it. That flicker of sorrow –that was present in her ever expressive eyes –for a split second, you’re sure you would’ve missed it if you even blinked. You wonder if she’s improved over the summer, usually you see it for much longer before she can collect her emotions and hide it from the world.

“But we need you, Quinn. We need your tremulous alto and your Belinda Carlisle glamour.” You hear her say and see a small smile on her lips. And God –you have no idea how she can be so honest about all this. Her eyes, you can always see it in her eyes. You can’t help but glance away for a second; you can feel your walls dropping for moment. You can’t help it and you wish that Rachel would miss it, miss that second of weakness.

But you’re not that fortunate. You never seemed to be, when it came to her.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m sad whenever I don’t see you in the choir room.”

You have no idea how she can have that effect on you. And you have a nagging feeling that she can see right through your façade, but you shake that thought away. No one has ever seen through your act, ever –and Rachel Berry is no exception. She is no different from anyone else; there is no way that she can be.

“Whenever you’re ready, Quinn. You know where you can find us.”

Rachel was already walking towards the school by the time you’re able to force yourself to look back.

You take one, long drag from your cigarette, before you put it out using the wall and throwing it away.

(Source: mitski)

“Andrei! Get over here!” Kristina was going through a pile of papers on her desk, checking the contents of the papers one by one.

“What’s wrong?” The auburn haired girl asked, she raised her brow when she saw the papers around Kristina’s desk “That’s quite a mess you got there” 

“You think?” Kristina rolled her eyes as she saw Andrei shrug “Anyway, we have a problem… it has come to my attention that someone… misplaced our list of invited faculty and staff, we need that today so we can work on the invitations…” Kristina trailed off.

“Oy!” Andrei exclaimed “And you’re telling me this, why? Julie’s the one in-charge of these papers”

It was Kristina’s turn to raise her brow “Oy yourself, you lazy ass. You know very well that Julia’s preoccupied at the moment, it just turns out that you’re the only one in the club that doesn’t have her hands full” She said a matter-of-factly.

Andrei made a face “Hey, it’s not may fault if nobody really asks me to do anything besides from handling the script and checking out the stage setup”

Kristina shook her head “Whatever genius, just head over to… er… damn, I don’t remember who made the list” She made an annoyed sigh.

“Eh.” This earned Andrei a slap on her arm from the dark haired girl “Ow! That hurt” Andrei frowned “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just ask Julie”

Kristina gave Andrei a look that clearly showed her disbelief “You sure I can count on you to do this without ending up daydreaming somewhere around campus?”

Andrei made a face, but didn’t say anything else. She dismissed the question by waving her hand, and left the room.

Kristina sighed “Sometimes, I’m not so sure what to expect from that girl”

“Stop expecting then” came an amused voice

“Yeah, yeah, whatever Lee” Kristina replied, obviously annoyed. She didn’t even need to turn around to see who it was.

Lee just laughed. 

I sat down to think, taking whatever I saw in during the process -trees, flowers, everything. Time just moved so fast, things were coming at me one after the other, I just wanted to stop everything. But then something totally out of the ordinary happened, I can’t explain it… but it was there.

“Claire?”

“Andrei, what do you think about the part where Antonio and Vacasius’s fight in Act IV? Is it a bit too much?” A girl with long flowing dark blue hair was reviewing the scripts they had so far, and she had a bit of trouble with this particular scene. 

The skin on her forehead was a bit creased due to her eyes squinting through her glasses, considering what they could do for one of the deciding fight scenes in their upcoming play. She sighed; there was something about it that didn’t quite fit with the rest.

But when she didn’t hear a reply, she turned around and saw Andrei looking out the window, her chin rested on her right hand while her elbow was on the table, while a pencil was in between her index and middle finger. The girl sighed again, and walked towards Andrei.

“Drei?” The girl’s right eyebrow was already raised; she rolled up the script she was reading and poked Andrei’s cheek with it. “Earth to Drei, Earth to Drei… did you lose your head up in the clouds again?” 

“Huh?” Andrei snapped out of her trance. She looked back at the person that poked her cheek “Oh sorry Julia, were you saying something?”

Julia rolled her eyes “Stop losing your head Drei, we need to finish this script by today” She ran a hand through her long, dark blue hair, and then something hit her. Julia raised her right brow again, then she grinned at Andrei “Don’t tell me that there’s someone that piqued your interest?”

Andrei’s jaw dropped “What the hell? Where’d you get that from Julia?”

Julia laughed, “Well, at least now I have your attention. But then again, from the way you reacted, it seems like I’ve hit the jackpot.” She winked at Andrei, and then placed her free hand on her hip “Care to tell your good ol’ childhood pal ‘bout it?”

“There’s no one, Julia” Andrei rolled her eyes “You know me well enough to know I don’t bother much with other people, it’s such a hassle.” 

She looked around the Journalism club’s office and saw different members from the Theatre club moving about, deciding what costumes to use, some where discussing the nearly-finished script they had, while writers were making final touches with the script. Everyone was so busy. 

“Oh and just make Antonio stay and fight to the death instead of fleeing that would probably make things more exciting for the audience” Andrei said, without even looking at her friend and colleague.

Julia smiled at her friend with a little hint of sadness, she wondered when Drei will be able to find someone that would make her interested enough and at least change her perspective in life a little bit “Gotcha.”

Kristina placed her hand on her hip “Can we go now? Or do I have to wait another day before we get any work done?”

Andrei raised her hands in mock surrender, a small smile tugging her lips “You got me, Tina, you got me” She put her hands down and tilted her head to the left “How’d you manage to get the Journalism club’s space? They’re pretty cocky when it comes to their territory, y’know”

“Ah, thanks to Lee, we got that all covered. She’s pretty good at ‘persuading’ the head editor, if you know what I mean” Kristina winked “and besides, they’ve gotten pretty good members this year.. most the cocky seniors were replaced with newbies that aren’t all that bad”

Andrei let out a laugh “I should’ve known! You can never really know what that girl’s up to, but this really made me intrigued.. I wonder if she has her sights on ‘that’ person~”

Kristina shook her head and smirked “Maybe, we’ll never really know. Anyway~ come onnn!!!” Kristina held Andrei’s right arm and pulled a bit as she started to walk back “I’m sure you wouldn’t want our almighty leader to assign ‘weird’ tasks on you again without your consent”

Andrei raised her brow, but started walking nonetheless “Ah, I really wouldn’t want that to happen again”

Kristina removed her hold and started walking at a faster pace, but Andrei didn’t follow her colleague’s speed. Slowly, she looked back and took one last glance at the scene that she had immersed herself in just earlier. But something, or rather someone, caught her eye. 

‘Was there someone there earlier?’ Andrei thought, she hadn’t noticed that there was a person sitting down and leaning on the tree’s trunk… just below the branch she sat on a while ago. The person suddenly turned her head and caught Andrei’s gaze, her eyes widened in surprise as she felt the person’s fierce red eyes burning through the very essence of her soul, as if searching for something.. something Andrei couldn’t quite place.

That put a stop to Andrei as she fully turned her body around, her eyes only leaving the person’s for a split second, but when confused hazel eyes searched for the fierceness of red.. it was gone. The person wasn’t looking at her as she had originally thought.

‘Was I imagining things? This is too weird..’ Andrei ran a hand through her hair furiously and sighed ‘I really need to get out of the clouds and put my feet on the ground’ and with that thought, she went after Kristina.

Although unknown to her, a certain raven haired girl closed her eyes and sighed in relief. She turned back to the scenery infront of her as her fierce red eyes took it all in. 

Sitting on a branch of a tree, simply gazing at the scenery, it’s something that can soothe your innermost feelings until the depths of your heart. Whoever said that the simplest of things can give you a pleasurable feeling is right… I suppose.

“Drei! There you are, we’ve been looking all over for you… what the hell are you doing up there?” A dark haired girl had come across a tree and happened to find an auburn haired girl sitting on one of its branches.

The auburn haired girl glanced down from the branch, her hazel colored eyes studied the face of the girl that had called out for her, and blinked “You need me for something, Kristina?”

The dark haired girl, Kristina, mock-smacked her head out of annoyance “The hell with that, Andrei! Have you forgotten about the script we were suppose to finish for the play? Get down from there!” I could’ve sworn that her eyes had flames in it, if only it were possible.

“Oh yeah, I’ve forgotten about that” Andrei scratched her head “I’m sorry, give me a minute” She looked down and checked the ground, and jumped off the branch she was sitting on, landing on her feet. Andrei dusted her jeans and fixed her hair and blouse “Where are the others?”

“Jeez, you could’ve been distinguished as a brilliant writer, but attitude-wise, you’re hopeless” Kristina rolled her eyes “Lee said we could use the journalism club’s office, they were kind enough to lend us the space. Lee’s already there with Josh. I was there earlier but I had to run and look for you.”

Andrei scratched her head and grinned sheepishly at her friend “Sorry, Tina… I just got caught up in the clouds again” She sighed “Nothing just seems to pique my interest lately; the classes we have for this term are far too boring”

Kristina rolled her eyes “Right” 

A young woman studied herself from the bathroom mirror; her long auburn hair was tied back in a ponytail so it wouldn’t hinder her face. She was troubled, a silent sigh escaped her lips, apparently things weren’t going smoothly for her, and it was frustrating, she wasn’t used to not getting her way with things.

She turned the faucet’s knob and water started flowing out, she put her palms together to catch the water and splashed it on her face, she turned the faucet’s knob the opposite way this time to close it. She took another glance at her reflection from the mirror; droplets of water all over her slender face, bangs tucked behind her ears, her pale lips formed a frown while her deep brown eyes stared right back from the mirror’s reflection. She closed her eyes and slightly shook her head; she grabbed the face towel that was hanging beside the sink and used it to wipe the dripping water off her face. She placed it back afterwards, closed the light in the bathroom and headed back into her bedroom. 

The bedroom wasn’t too big nor was it too small, it was just right. Since she was sort-off a neat freak, it was easy to get around. Her bed is big enough for two people, but her pillows took most of the space and she used a comforter for a blanket. Beside her bed, there was a small study where she can do her work; a laptop was placed on the table, along with some books, a sketch pad and papers, plus a small table lamp. An acoustic guitar can be seen on the other side of the room which was near the window; beside it is a small makeshift shelf for books and CD/DVD cases, there was also an orange bean bag. Opposite of those were the air conditioner and a fan.

Oh, before I forget, I’m Andrei Locke. I’m 24 years old and what I do for a living is… well, I’ll keep it a secret for now. Hmm, I like playing around with my guitar and singing along occasionally or reading novels or whatever that interests me during my free time. I can cook, but I’m no chef, I only learned out of necessity. I’m currently sharing a flat with my college best friend, Maeve Sinclair. She’s a year older than I am, and she’s one of the few people I admire and respect. If I remember correctly, she handles marketing and promotion for (insertmadeupcompanynamehere) –which explains why she’s so busy. Err, okay, I think I blabbered too much… let’s get back to the story, shall we?

Andrei opened the lamp on her study and sat down, she thought about opening her laptop to try and do some work, but decided against it. Her gaze fell on the picture frame beside her laptop, a younger version of herself and Maeve looked back at her. Maeve had a huge smile plastered on her face while her arm was around Andrei’s neck in a mock choke while her free hand held a cocktail glass. Andrei on the other hand, was half smirking, half grinning, as she held her cocktail glass up for a toast. It was Maeve’s 22nd birthday, and she had deliberately dragged Andrei and Natasha, her best friend from high school, out to go celebrate somewhere and unwind after a hard day’s work. A smile slowly formed on Andrei’s lips, recalling how much fun they had, Tasha had taken the picture of the two of them.

You know, I still find it hard to believe that so much time had past. Sometimes I still feel that I was still the same 18 year old teenager that was dragged in some school club, not knowing how much it would influence my life and turn my perspectives upside down. Somehow, the things that you least expect happen because of the most unlikely reasons. Life is unpredictable, you just have to live a little bit to make things happen.